12 week scan / Nuchal Fold Test

Once again I was experiencing the excitement/terror vibe.

Excited at seeing the bambino again but terrified of the results of the nuchal fold scan.

As an older Mum, my risk of having a Downs Syndrome baby is obviously higher than some fresh 30 year old. It's amazing how many people like to point that out, just incase I had forgotten any previous scaremongering. As if.

So once I had found out that my 12 week scan with the NHS was infact going to be more like a 15 week scan I decided to book myself in for a nuchal fold scan, which of course York PCT doesn't pay for... many other PCT's do include this service for older Mum's...but York...don't be silly!!

My Midwife had told me that I should go to the clinic in Stamford Bridge, then if I got the 'wrong' result they could 'get me in quick' as one of their Consultants carried out the scans.

I told her that whatever the result I had no intention of aborting my baby,having gone through IVF if this baby was Down's then that was something I would have to accept. I just saw the test as a 'heads up' and thought it would give me a chance to get my head round a Down's baby if that's what was going to happen.

But I was scared, no one wants a Down's baby by choice and I started to get nervous about the test.

Scan day arrived, my appointment wasn't until 6.40pm so I paced around all day! Mum arrived about 4.30 with cake to keep me distrated. As we got in the car it became apparent that the traffic was DREADFUL. Damn it, after all that waiting we were going to be late!!!!

Finally got there about 10 minutes late, luckily they were behind time so it didn't matter. I even had to wait for another 20 minutes with a full bladder & nerves, NOT FUN!!!

At last it was my turn...






My little bean had grown arms & legs, it was waving & kicking and looked more like a baby than a bean...

The sonographer said that everything looked good and that the nuchal translucency was about 1mm which meant that Downs was unlikely....HOOOORAH, sooooo happy.

I had some bloods taken now I just had to wait for these combined results that would arrive in a couple of days.

Until then i just stared at the pictures of my bambino.


Results:

Previous risk, age etc: 1 in 93
Adjusted Risk: 1 in 1857

Skull/brain appears normal,heart appears normal,spine appears normal, abdomen appears normal, stomach visible, bladder visible, hands both visible, feet both visible.

Summary of ultrasound findings: Normal intrauterine pregnancy.

I couldn't be happier :)

Next stop 15 week scan with the NHS.

9 week Scan Pics...

Despite having seen the heartbeat at my 7 week scan, i was still anxious. I'd had an electric shock which got me in a panic. Was the baby still ok, was it still growing? Everyone told me not to worry but my mind was still in overdrive so I booked myself in for a private scan. I'd rather pay the £100 just so i knew things were on track than worry until my 12 week scan.

Although lovely, the clinic experience was slightly odd. My Mum was busy and my friends who knew about my pregnancy were all otherwise engaged so I went on my own. I was quite happy to do this and hadn't really thought anything about it until...

"No partner /husband with you today?"

"Er, no!!"

"You do realise you could of brought someone"

"Yes, everyone was busy!"

"Oh!"

After an awkward 10 minutes I finally got to go in for my scan.

I went in and asked her if I needed to take my trousers off, having being used to wandy, i was slightly shocked & greatly relieved when she told me just unbutton my jeans...

I had graduated to a tummy scan...wooo hoo :)

This is what I saw..



The little bean had grown into a bigger bean and the heart was still beating. I could of cried I was so happy & relieved. The measurements revealed that we were on track....

I felt lighter as I walked out of the clinic.

Yay....I was still pregnant.

"I'm so relieved" I told my Mum...
"Yes" she said. "I wonder for how long!"

The joy lasted about 3 days before the panic & anxiety began to creep back in...

Let the alchemy begin-injection time .

I've got a few minutes to kill before setting off for my acupuncture sesh so I thought I'd update with the latest...

I went to the clinic yesterday to have my first bloods taken. I was a bit nervous, and not at all happy at the prospect of getting up at 6am and driving for an hour and half to get to the clinic.

I wasn't sure why I was nervous, it's not like I haven't been through this before, and lets face it, having bloods done is the easy bit. I think it's because the realisation hit that here I am, after all the waiting, embarking on Round 2 of the IVF. Somehow the 3 weeks of HRT don't seem to count. Although they should do considering how emotionally difficult & draining they were.

So arrive at the clinic, it's really busy. I try sneaking a peek at everyone else in the room, wondering what their story is. I notice that most have wedding bands on, some have even brought their husbands. Some look older than me, some look younger.

I have my blood taken and then go off into a freezing side room to sign all my latest consent forms...

'Do you remember all the risks, or shall I go through them again?'

No...I remember, only too well.

'Just cos you responded last time, doesn't mean you will respond this time'

Great...how often does that happen?

'Rare, but we have to warn you'

Oh as in rare for all of your eggs not to fertilise...great

The nurse told me not to bother ringing at midday as "It's highly unlikely you'll be ready to start, just come back on Wednesday"

This, to be honest, was what I expected but am growling inside at the thought of another early start.

So I really wasn't ready for the phone call at 1pm from the clinic telling me that my bloods revealed I was ready to go...

Whhaaaattt? Shit....I'm not ready, I'm not mentally prepared, I should have another 2 days, at least, to prepare myself for the injections...

Well, obviously not, first shot of Suprecur was done last night, OH.MY.GOD, it fuckin hurt. It burnt like hell and I had a huge red lump for hours later that I desperately wanted to scratch but didn't dare...

Tonight is the Menopur injection too...Let the alchemy begin.

Right I'm off, for some more pins, time for some acupuncture....anyone would think I'm a masochist...

What with doing the Zita West CD earlier and acupuncture this afternoon, I intend to be pretty blissed out this evening !

Another chat with the psychic...

I had just finished my dinner when there was a knock on my door...

I opened it to see my neighbours friend, the psychic man who told me the other day that he had news to tell me but would save it for another day.

I delightedly welcomed him inside, I had worried that it would be a while before I saw him again and was intrigued to know what he had to tell me.

Mum and I were still reeling from shock at how accurate he had been about my grandmother.

As soon as he came in, he said that he had spoken to my neighbour. He said he was sorry to disturb me but my neigbour had insisted he come round immediatly and see me.

"You're going to have a baby, there's a baby on the way...are you pregnant now?"

I told him that that was what I hoped he was going to tell me, that I wasn't pregnant but that I was just about to start on my second round of IVF.

He had asked my neighbour if I was pregnant, and that if I wasn't a baby was on the way very soon. My neighbour, a lovely lady called Beth,knows about my IVF and she insisted he come round and tell me immediatly. Beth hadn't said anything about IVF or about me trying for a baby.

He said that I wasn't to worry, that I would give birth to a large bubbly buddah, "she'll be a large baby". He said that he thought I may well have a caesarean and that I would give birth in the latter half of 2011, which wouldn't fit for this round of IVF. He said," Have you got 3 goes?"
I explained that I had always said that I would give it 3 goes, he said that it would probably happen on my third attempt....Hmmm...what to do? Do I wait...do I go ahead? The spirits are known for getting times wrong!! The baby would be born in 2011 if I got pregnant this time, but in March not later on in the year.

He then went on to talk about how my Dad was with me. He correctly told me how he died,(heart attack) and that he was young (54). He then told me that there had been a man in my life who he didn't like, and asked me if he had gone. I said that he had, he correctly said his name and said that he could hear music around him, (he is a musician)

He mentioned some other names of family members and then spoke about my Mum and how sensitive she was. He asked if she was seeing someone new, I said no, but it seems there may be someone coming up for her too. I hope so, I'd love for her to have a loving partner again.

With that he got up to go saying that next time he was around he would pop in for a chat and tell me anything else he might 'recieve'.
He told me not to worry, I would give birth to a baby girl. (I always imagined my first born would be a girl)

I feel so relieved, so excited and now raring to go. I feel I have been given a sign/ confirmation from the gods/spirits that I doing the right thing and that my dreams really will come true...

I am back in PMA mode :)

I'll start at the begining....

When I was younger, I imagined that by the time I was 40 I would have a partner and several kids. Hmmm...

Well, I find myself 40, single & childless....

In my teens, 20's & 30's I responsibly did everything in my power NOT to get pregnant......I'm now thinking that was a little foolish and that I wasted my most fertile time fucking around with unsuitable men...

I didn't think they were unsuitable at the time and I had alot of fun, but the ones I wanted to settle down and have kids with had no interest in doing that with me. Guys I had absolutely no interest in wanted to settle down and have kids with me. C'est la vie.

Basically...I just never met the right man.

At this stage in the proceedings, my options seem pretty slim. I haven't got the time to meet someone new and hope they are the 'man of my dreams' and 'perfect father material', my fertility is declining at an alarming rate (or so the 'experts' tell me). You have got to get to know someone before you even consider bringing a child into the world with them. I have been out with men for up to 2 years before I realised what 'cocks' they were. I haven't got another 2 years...

I could go out and have one night stands just after ovulating in the hope of getting pregnant, but the thought of tricking some unsuspecting man in fatherhood just doesn't sit well and isn't a story I would like to pass on to my child when they ask who their father is.

I have considered asking a male friend, in fact there were two I considered asking, then just before I asked one of them he revealed that he had met someone new. They now seem very much in love and are preparing to buy a house together, I doubt his relationship would of gone quite so smoothly if he'd announced to his new beau that I was carrying his child or that he couldn't have sex with her tonight because he was off round to mine to knock one out and give me the goods. It didn't seem fair to ask any of my friends and maybe jeopardise their chances of a 'normal, happy relationship'.

Which left me with the sperm bank.....

My father had a huge positive impact on my life. I struggled with the idea of bringing a child into the world without one. It certainly wasn't ideal, but if I wanted a child it seemed my only option.

It was not a decision I came to lightly. In fact I had researched having a baby without a father (mannotincluded.com)about 5 years before hand, but had dismissed it because I was still holding out for the dream, a man who I loved, who loved me, and having a child born out of the love and passion that we shared together.

I wish I had done something about it then, my eggs would of been fresher and my chances of getting pregnant would of been so much higher...

I have no more time to waste waiting for the dream...

Which pretty much brings me to where I am now. Single, 40 & childless and just about to embark on The Baby Making Files.....