Wordless Wednesday....

The 2WW

Well, I finally made it, the dreaded 2 week wait!!!!

Little embaby all snug inside me...PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise)!!!

There were times that I worried that I would never get this far...Now I'm here I have something new to worry about!!

Such a strange feeling to think there is a tiny embryo, the beginings of a new life inside me.

I knew that it was a good 8 cell, grade 1 embaby, but i immediatly started worrying, would it survive? Would it grow?

People told me that I should relax, take it easy, enjoy PUPO, er...right...how exactly do I do that?!!!

I tried the bedrest, that lasted all of an hour, i tried reading...well that lasted approx ten minutes! There was no way I could concentrate on anything.

I settled for watching stuff on the laptop. I took it really easy, but then felt guilty for just carrying my laptop upstairs...was I doing too much?!!! I worried when watering the plants, i worried about sneezing & coughing...despite being told not too.

Luckily I had my birthday to distract me. A few of us went out to lunch at Castle Howard. As a child, every birthday I had was stonkingly hot (being in June), the past 5 years it has pissed it down, in torrential stylee. This year...beautiful. A few people said it was a good omen, i didn't dare believe them.


When having the transfer everyone who looked at my notes commented that it was my birthday in 2 days and what a wonderful present it was to have such a healthy embaby. I felt blessed to be PUPO but the dominant feeling was fear, terror, scared that it wouldn't work.

Thank God for Zita West, for her relaxation CD kept me as calm as was possible under the circumstances, and for the allotment. Every time my mind got a little crazy, i went up there and relaxed in the peace & quiet.


So the first week over, fuck...that dragged. I imagined the 2nd week would be even worse. Wrong....it was speeding by at an alarming rate, zooming towards the pregnancy test. I was tempted to test early and luckily was persuaded not to for fear of a false negative. On one hand I wanted to know, to be put out of my misery, on the other I wasn't ready for the dream to be over. I needed more time, at some points I wished it had been a 3WW!

At 10dpt (days past transfer)I thought it was over. I had the tiniest amount of brown CM, my heart sank to my feet. Was it all over? I reasoned that it couldn't be my period, I was on far too many drugs for that. ( I suppose I should mention my drug regime, 3 pessaries a day, another one at bedtime up my bum and 3 tablets of oestrogen)

I immediatly went to Twitter and tweeted my concerns, pretty quickly i was reassured that it was probably implantation bleeding and a good sign...phew...but I was still worried, with a little hope thrown in...

When imagining the result I forced myself to see myself reading 2 lines, telling my family 'yay it worked', typing BFP on my keyboard....PLEASE let it work....

13dpt I couldn't wait any longer....I took a test

Embryo Transfer!!!!

Yay. Hurrah....Good news :)

The embryologist rang this morning and told me the amazing news that the embaby was now 8 cells and was a Grade One.

The news could not of been better. I was so excited and so relieved.

So later on this afternoon I went back to the clinic for my embryo transfer.

Everything went smoothly so I am now PUPO...I couldn't be happier!!

My beautiful embaby.

An agonising wait.

I didn't sleep well, but I'm surprised I slept at all.

Luckily the clinic didn't keep me waiting for long.

At a few minutes past nine I got the call.

Of the 4 eggs, 2 had been immature, one had fertilised badly but I had ONE GOOD FERTILISED EGG. Hurrah.

I was so relieved, the embryologist said that she was optimistic that the egg would divide & grow but that she would give me a ring on Monday morning to give me a status update & confirm transfer details.

So, one step forward but another agonising wait, willing my little embaby to grow & divide.

Grow embaby, grow.

Egg Collection Day Number 2!

Despite having taken the prescribed Temazapam, I didn't sleep brilliantly.

I kept waking up wondering what the time was. Got to ten to 6 and I got bored with trying to sleep and got up. I cannot remember ever getting up in the 5 oclock hour, going to bed, well maybe.

Managed a banana & yoghurt smoothie and waited for Mum to arrive.

Drive to Sheffield was painless enough, apart from a couple of nutters who cut me up and nearly killed us before I had chance to have my eggs collected.

Arrived at the clinic, put on the glamourous gown, disgusting Crocs (I soooo hate those things) and necked the remainder of the temazapam (2 pills) and went to the loo to stick the diclofenac up my bum!!

I remember enjoying the drugs more last time, maybe this time I was more anxious, there seemed more at state, this was the final go and I was nervous about how many eggs I would get.

The procedure itself hurt more than last time, again I think because I was less relaxed.

First call from the embryologist was 'just cells', my heart sank.
'we need an egg from this one please' said the Dr.
Sure enough...'First egg' was the next thing I heard from the embryologist ...phew at least I had one!

Half an hour later and the procedure was over...I had 4 eggs. I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed.

The nurse assured me that that was good, and that on the short protocol they normally expect a woman to produce 3 - 5 eggs. I had never heard that before but it made me feel better immediately.

The Dr came in and said that he had been happy with the procedure, that everything had gone acording to plan and that all we needed was a bit of luck.

The embryologist came in and said that the sperm looked good, they would do the ICSI that afternoon and then ring me in the morning...

Now the agonising wait for the fertilisation report.

This is where it all went wrong last time. I couldn't bear to think of it happening again.

The final countdown...

Shit Shit Shit...

It's almost here....I'm counting down the hours until the Trigger Shot.

I went to the clinic on Monday for my bloodwork and first scan.
My womb lining was nice and thick & I had one follicle of a decent size, 3 or 4 that they hoped would ripen up if they 'left' me a couple of days, and a few that probably wouldn't make it in time.

So I was sent home with some more Menopur, told to inject for another couple of nights and to come back on Wednesday. (Today)

Like a good girl, i did as I was told. During IVF you don't dare do anything but. You follow instructions to the letter, to the minute.

I woke up feeling heavier, and hoped this was down to my lovely follicles growing into a decent size. Last time I had 5 eggs, 4 of which were mature, none of which fertilised. I was hoping for more this time. I was hoping for at least 6 or 7. Call me greedy.

So at the clinic this morning I was some what disappointed to discover that I only had 4 follicles of the right size. There's a couple of follicles that might grow up in time but these will definitely be a bonus.

I'm trying not to be disheartened and to stay positive but I'm struggling. If it wasn't for my lovely Twitter friends I would be in a right old state!!

They have reminded me that it only takes one good egg and that for some people, 4 follicles is a good amount.

I'm just a bit pissed off with my left ovary. My right ovary has been a good ovary and basically created all of the worthy follicles... What has the left ovary done? Not a bloody lot, a few pesky follicles that have no intention of ripening up by Friday. Damn you left ovary...what happened? Last time you performed ok, you had the same drugs as the right, what's your problem?!!

Anyways, I am a nervous wreck. I am terrified. This time during the last cycle of IVF I was so excited. This time I am horribly aware of what can go wrong.

How many eggs will be recovered? How many will be mature? How many will fertilise?

Will I get as far as asking the next set of questions?

How many have divided? How many are still alive on transfer day?
How many can I have transfered?
When's my OTD?

So many questions, and I just have to wait for the answers...

This is gonna be hard, I have been burnt by last times experience and patience was never one of my strong points.

Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Wish me luck everyone :)

Trigger shot is at 9.30 tonight.

UPDATE: Trigger shot is done :)

Let the alchemy begin-injection time .

I've got a few minutes to kill before setting off for my acupuncture sesh so I thought I'd update with the latest...

I went to the clinic yesterday to have my first bloods taken. I was a bit nervous, and not at all happy at the prospect of getting up at 6am and driving for an hour and half to get to the clinic.

I wasn't sure why I was nervous, it's not like I haven't been through this before, and lets face it, having bloods done is the easy bit. I think it's because the realisation hit that here I am, after all the waiting, embarking on Round 2 of the IVF. Somehow the 3 weeks of HRT don't seem to count. Although they should do considering how emotionally difficult & draining they were.

So arrive at the clinic, it's really busy. I try sneaking a peek at everyone else in the room, wondering what their story is. I notice that most have wedding bands on, some have even brought their husbands. Some look older than me, some look younger.

I have my blood taken and then go off into a freezing side room to sign all my latest consent forms...

'Do you remember all the risks, or shall I go through them again?'

No...I remember, only too well.

'Just cos you responded last time, doesn't mean you will respond this time'

Great...how often does that happen?

'Rare, but we have to warn you'

Oh as in rare for all of your eggs not to fertilise...great

The nurse told me not to bother ringing at midday as "It's highly unlikely you'll be ready to start, just come back on Wednesday"

This, to be honest, was what I expected but am growling inside at the thought of another early start.

So I really wasn't ready for the phone call at 1pm from the clinic telling me that my bloods revealed I was ready to go...

Whhaaaattt? Shit....I'm not ready, I'm not mentally prepared, I should have another 2 days, at least, to prepare myself for the injections...

Well, obviously not, first shot of Suprecur was done last night, OH.MY.GOD, it fuckin hurt. It burnt like hell and I had a huge red lump for hours later that I desperately wanted to scratch but didn't dare...

Tonight is the Menopur injection too...Let the alchemy begin.

Right I'm off, for some more pins, time for some acupuncture....anyone would think I'm a masochist...

What with doing the Zita West CD earlier and acupuncture this afternoon, I intend to be pretty blissed out this evening !