Saturday, 16 July 2011

Saturday, 22 January 2011

32 Weeks Scan.

I'm not sure whether it's because I'm an older mum to be or whether it's because of the fiasco with my LFT's but I seem to be having more scans than anyone else I know being treated by the NHS, I'm not complaining.

This was one scan I wasn't worried about at all beforehand. I'd seen the midwife fairly recently and knew that Lola was growing & her heartbeat was good.

These days I can feel her moving about so the fear from previous scans wasn't there, just excitement.

I was hoping I'd find out what position she was in & how much she'd grown.

Mum came with me, we waited about half an hour & then went into the scan room. I was delighted to see which sonographer it was, while they have all been lovely, this lady talks more while scanning and points stuff out more than some of the others.

She took some measurements and my heart melted as I watched my little girl wriggle about. We laughed as we saw her sticking her tongue out!!

One of the first comments was that she had plenty of hair! Maybe this explains the heartburn!

All seemed well with Lola so I wiped the gel off my swollen belly & made my way to wait for the consultant.

I'm not a big fan of the consultants, the midwives are lovely but the consultants tend to swan about with an air of importance which I find incredibly annoying. Especially as the ones so far have been unlikeable, don't listen, tend to scaremonger & whittle on about IVF when it's perfectly obvious they don't know what they're talking about, they're just trying to convince you that they do, but the more they try to convince you the more apparent it is that they don't, I imagine most women who have had IVF know more about the risks, statistics & info than they do. It's not like we go into this procedure blind & without doing a serious amount of research.

This time however, I had a really friendly consultant. He explained that Lola was growing well, 'she's going to be a big baby'.
I asked how big she was now and he said she was almost 5lbs already!

Oh. My. Word. 5lbs already!!! No wonder I have been struggling to get about & am exhausted!!!

The consultant said she could be at least a 10 pounder ' if' I made it to my edd, saying that she may come early.

I must admit to being a little shocked but delighted to think that Lola was growing big & strong.

Next scan is 36 weeks. I can't wait :)

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

28 week growth scan.

So excited to see my little girl again. As always, feeling a little nervous (in case anything is wrong) but those nerves lessen every time I have a scan. More so this time as I had seem the midwife the day before.

The midwife had measured my belly & Lola's heartbeat & assured me that everything was fine. My belly/ uterus was the right size & Lola's heartbeat indicated she was quite happy.

Such a relief to hear as she had been a bit quiet in recent days.

The scan coincided with my glucose test to see if I had developed gestational diabetes.

The test involved fasting from 10 the night before, no breakfast, arriving at hospital for a blood test, drink a pint of lucozade and then wait for 2 hours before having another blood test.

I was dreading it! Fasting & I are not friends. I like little & often.

However, best thing about the test was the Lola seemed to enjoy the lucozade & had a mad kicking session.

They are still quite gentle so I was able to sit back & enjoy that special feeling of being kicked from inside from that new being you have growing inside you. It made fasting worth it.

Test over, I almost ran to the cafe & ordered a double decaf latte & a sandwich. I think the barista didn't hear the word decaf so I ended up with a double shot latte.

The result being Lola being incredibly active all afternoon down to a sugar & caffeine high!!

Next up was the 28 week growth scan. First thing I saw was a perfect little foot. So adorable my heart melted.

Luckily she was looking straight at us so I got to see her chubby cheeks :)
I'm so in love.
It was fabulous to see her kicks on the screen & feel them at the same time.

Everything's good, it appears Lola is growing as she should & is in the 'average' range.

I did note that she has a slightly above average size tummy & has long legs.

Just like her Mum :)

Friday, 29 October 2010

Is it a boy or a girl ??????

Finally the big day arrived..My 20 week & 6 day scan...

I have counted down the days like a small child at Christmas...

And here 'she' is....Introducing my daughter Lola Rosetta.

I couldn't be happier :))

Thursday, 14 October 2010

Bad Blogger!

As I get excited at the up & coming 20 week scan, i realise that I haven't blogged since my nuchal fold scan! Bad Blogger.

Which means I need to update before I have my next scan!

After the nuchal fold scan my next scan was due to be around 12 weeks with the NHS.
However, because they are busy & over stretched it turned into a 14 week scan.

This was my first scan with the NHS and is known as the dating scan.

At my first appointment with the midwife she'd asked me if already had a dating scan, i replied that I had at the fertility clinic, so she pretty much said I wasn't entitled to a dating scan with the NHS. Plus, if I was considering a Nuchal fold, I definitely didn't need a 12 week scan with the NHS.

Desperate to see the bambino again, I pretty much kicked off saying that I should be entitled to the same scans as everyone else & that I shouldn't be penalised for having to have to go private. She agreed but said I should keep quite about my previous dating scan & that if I went for the nuchal fold I should cancel the NHS scan.

Yeah right. As if! Miss an oppurtunity to see the babe. No way Jose :)

So the date came round and my mum & I trundled off to the antenatal clinic at the hospital. Who should I see but the sonographer who did my nuchal fold scan!! Damn, would she recognise me? Would she blow my cover?? I thought if I was challenged I would deny all knowledge that I should of canceled this scan!

Anyway all the panic was over nothing as I was led into a different room with a different sonographer.

And this is what we saw...My precious kicking & punching cargo!

Hang on a minute...I think I recognise that nose!!!!

Saturday, 4 September 2010

Emotional Meltdown - Reality Bites...

I've woken up this morning and the tears & fears that I have been holding in for a while now have broken through.

I haven't really got anyone to talk to about this, I'm sure they'd tell me this was my choice, my decision to go through this process alone. And they would be right, nobody ever said this was going to be easy.

I'm sure there are plenty of people that would be mad if they read this post. How dare I be miserable? I have something they have always wanted. A baby growing inside of me. Having spent the last year cruising with the TTC community on Twitter & bulletin boards, everyone knows you're not supposed to complain when you get pregnant. You have the greatest gift of all. But they may have something I haven't got. A partner, someone to share the highs & the lows with.

Today the realisation came crashing down. I am alone.

Most of the time, that's ok, although I would rather be with a partner, I am a fairly self sufficent idependant girl. I have to be. Today I not only feel alone, I feel lonely.

I long for someone to share this experience with. I feel I still carry the grief of the failed IVF, the process of IVF and the fact I have had to go through this alone. Having a child is something two people should do together.
Today I need someone to hug me & tell me everything is going to be ok.

From someone who used to be a bit of a social butterfly, where are my friends? Have I still got any friends, or have I removed myself from their social scene by deciding to give up on the booze, drugs, clubs & pubs & deciding to have a child? Were they even my friends at all?

I am overwhelmed by what needs to be done, from simple tasks like cleaning to organising builders to come & carry out works on my house. There seems so much to do and yet so little energy to do it with.

I'm not sure if this is the 'nesting' energy but I have a feeling, a sense that I am running out of time. I fast forward to not many months ahead when I am enormous & cant do much at all, how am I gonna put my own shoes on, bend down to feed the cats, clean the house, work?

Dont get me wrong, I am delighted to be pregnant, i'm over the moon, but there is a nagging voice in my head, how am i gonna cope on my own?

Thursday, 26 August 2010

12 week scan / Nuchal Fold Test

Once again I was experiencing the excitement/terror vibe.

Excited at seeing the bambino again but terrified of the results of the nuchal fold scan.

As an older Mum, my risk of having a Downs Syndrome baby is obviously higher than some fresh 30 year old. It's amazing how many people like to point that out, just incase I had forgotten any previous scaremongering. As if.

So once I had found out that my 12 week scan with the NHS was infact going to be more like a 15 week scan I decided to book myself in for a nuchal fold scan, which of course York PCT doesn't pay for... many other PCT's do include this service for older Mum's...but York...don't be silly!!

My Midwife had told me that I should go to the clinic in Stamford Bridge, then if I got the 'wrong' result they could 'get me in quick' as one of their Consultants carried out the scans.

I told her that whatever the result I had no intention of aborting my baby,having gone through IVF if this baby was Down's then that was something I would have to accept. I just saw the test as a 'heads up' and thought it would give me a chance to get my head round a Down's baby if that's what was going to happen.

But I was scared, no one wants a Down's baby by choice and I started to get nervous about the test.

Scan day arrived, my appointment wasn't until 6.40pm so I paced around all day! Mum arrived about 4.30 with cake to keep me distrated. As we got in the car it became apparent that the traffic was DREADFUL. Damn it, after all that waiting we were going to be late!!!!

Finally got there about 10 minutes late, luckily they were behind time so it didn't matter. I even had to wait for another 20 minutes with a full bladder & nerves, NOT FUN!!!

At last it was my turn...

My little bean had grown arms & legs, it was waving & kicking and looked more like a baby than a bean...

The sonographer said that everything looked good and that the nuchal translucency was about 1mm which meant that Downs was unlikely....HOOOORAH, sooooo happy.

I had some bloods taken now I just had to wait for these combined results that would arrive in a couple of days.

Until then i just stared at the pictures of my bambino.


Previous risk, age etc: 1 in 93
Adjusted Risk: 1 in 1857

Skull/brain appears normal,heart appears normal,spine appears normal, abdomen appears normal, stomach visible, bladder visible, hands both visible, feet both visible.

Summary of ultrasound findings: Normal intrauterine pregnancy.

I couldn't be happier :)

Next stop 15 week scan with the NHS.