Furious one minute, close to tears the next.
I feel bloated and fat, even my feet have swollen up. This hasn't been helped by the recent heatwave. I have nothing to wear. The only thing i feel remotely comfy in makes me look like I am up the duff already, and the mood I have been in, I simply couldn't risk anyone ask me if I'm pregnant. I could not of been held responsible for my actions, my defence in court would of been 'forgive her, she's been on HRT'!! It's enough to turn anyone into a psycho.
I have failed miserably at the 'positive & calm' approach. I just haven't been able to shake the feeling of miserableness. I'm not sure how my friends feel,but i have been doing my own head in. It has been like PMT with knobs on, nothing is right, i feel highly critical of everyone & everything and I have had a strong sense of self loathing.
I hope I am not speaking too soon but I am hoping this bad patch has drawn to a close. I have felt better over the last couple of days. I'm not sure whether this is because I have finished the little brown pills & started the white pills which has pushed my body into having a bleed, or because I have discovered MILKSHAKES :) Probably a combination of both.
During my last cycle of IVF, my then acupuncturist, who I didn't really like, made me feel terribly guilty for eating dairy. This time I have been trying to eat a diet higher in protein to try & help improve the quality of my eggs.
The other day, after expressing some concern about egg collection, some lovely ladies on Twitter (@Ivyef & @jillyjohn) suggested that I drink plenty of milk, water & eat plenty of fruit. They even suggested I start making milkshakes...and that I shouldn't worry too much about calories until after the EC. Oh well, I am fat anyway,what's another couple of weeks?!!
Oh my...I am love, love,loving the milkshakes and for the first time in weeks have felt some happiness creep in! Sad isn't it?!!!
I have made a decaf coffee milkshake, a banana milkshake, a strawberry yoghurt milkshake. I have tried the lower fat version by replacing the icecream with low fat vanilla yoghurt and even that was delicious.(of course I prefer it with ice cream!!)...can i put it in a milkshake...No??? Well, i'm not interested :)
While my friends around me are enjoying nights out, glasses of wine & cocktails, I am getting excited about milkshakes...the old party animal in me is turning in her grave!!
So, just 5 more days on the little white pills, a weekend drug free (yipeeee) and then it's a trip to the clinic to have my first bloodwork done a week today. Then a week - 10 days on the injections and it'll be egg collection time...
Whooooooaaaaaaaaaaa.....
