Ready or not, here I come...

OMG....OMG.....OMG...

This morning my CM started to resemble egg white and the little pink lines on the ovulation stix appeared to be a little darker....ovulation is not far away....

OMG...OMG...OMG....

Am I ready?

Tough if I'm not...

Round two here I come

Excitement or Terror?

So it's Day 10 of my cycle tomorrow, which means only one thing..

....TIME TO START PISSING ON OVULATION STICKS!!!.....

Round 2 of the IVF is imminent...woooo hoooo or is it....shit, OMG....waaahhhhh?



I feel like I have a split personality, one minute I am so excited I feel like I am having palpatations, the next minute I am so scared I can hardly breathe...

All I know is that before I know it I will be back on the HRT and back, to & fro from the clinic, having blood drawn, being probed by wandy, mixing my FSH, having bubble trouble, injecting myself in the leg, nervously counting follicles and waiting for the big EC (egg collection).

Half of me is ready, the other half is screaming "No....I'm not ready..Wait a minute, what on earth is going on?"

PMA, PMA, PMA....I must have a positive mental attitude....I can't even bring myself to think about a negative result, I'm not sure how I would deal with it, just thinking about it briefly is enough to make me shudder...

This has got to work....it just has to...

I've done the sums...my OTD will be around the day of my 41st birthday, what an amazing birthday present a BFP would be...

Yes please, a BFP for me :)

Freak like me...

Yesterday I met up with a friend who i haven't seen for a couple of months, I had been quite looking forward to it. I've been lying low since the last round of IVF, not wanting to find excuses for not drinking, (I've used up the I'm on antibiotics story.)

As I strolled into the bar I saw her smile turn into a frown..

"God, arn't you tall enough already? You'll make me look tiny"

Yep...I'm a tall woman (just under 6ft) who likes to wear heels (especially on a fat day)...DEAL WITH IT....It's not my fault you're a short arse....

A little later on during our lunch..

"So how long have you been straightening your hair? I love your curly hair. Why do people like you who have beautiful hair that most of us would kill for, insist on straightening your hair? I would love to have your hair."

I explained I was tired of looking like Russell Brand in the morning,not that I have any idea what Russell Brand looks like in the morning, but it's really not a good look for me, there looks like something has been nesting in the top of my head all night.




I am tired at having to spend at least half an hour in the morning trying to get rid of the back combed Crystal Tips on a bad day look (anyone remember her? Crystal Tips & Alastair)

Hell, even on a good day I look like Diana Ross in the Chain Reaction video...anyone need a visual reminder?



No...it's easier, better for my self esteem, less time consuming, less hair products and generally less scariness involved in the mornings now I straighten my hair...

This was met with extreme disapproval...I could see it in her face that she wasn't convinced by my arguement, I swear she TUT-ed with her eyes...I could see her eyebrows move..

"So, have you met anyone yet?"

Nope, no one of interest.

"You're not still seeing 'HIM' are you?"

Nope...that finished a while back, and he does have a name.

"Well, you better get a move on sweets, you're not getting any younger!"
She's smiling as she says this, as if she's offering me some invaluable and good intentioned advice.
I'm inwardly growling... No shit Sherlock.

We move on to my job..

"You still there then?"

Yes...I am still there..

"How long has it been?"

It's been over 10 years...as well you know. It's been so long I've stopped counting.

"So, any holidays booked this year? I am off to Florida in July"
Nope, no holidays booked (as if I can afford holidays with what's going on)
"What's wrong with you? I just can't get through the winter unless I've booked our jollies for the year. We are going to the South of France in October too."

But she doesn't know what's really going on, she knows nothing about the IVF...
She doesn't know that I am attempting to get pregnant using donor sperm...

And considering she has just made me feel like a freak of nature for wearing high heels, straightening my hair, being single, having held down a job for over ten years and for not booking a holiday...I'm not about to tell her either...

Flower Essences, Infertility & IVF

I've been suggesting Flower Essences to quite a few people recently so i thought I would blog some info & some helpful links...





Flower essences have been used for centuries and can act as catalysts for change and transformation. They can help us to find the energy, strength, motivation and enthusiasm needed to pursue our goals and dreams, in all aspects of our lives, physically, emotionally and spiritually.


I had been using Bach Flower Rescue Remedy for years until I discovered the Australian Bush Flower Essences..I love the Bach Flower Essences and they are much easier to find in England but I find the Australian Essences so much more powerful.

The Bach Flower Rescue Remedy or the Australian version, Emergency Essence are fantastic for pretty much everything, for when you're stressed, suffering from insomnia,worry, pain of any kind, after an accident or shock, or can be taken before a stressful event,for instance before a driving test, exams, a visit to the dentist,before going for your egg collection, even in helping to get over the disappointment of a BFN...



I was so amazed at Austaralian Bush Flower Essences effectiveness that I bought the whole set and have been treating people with them for approx ten years. I have never seen them fail and have been constantly in awe at what they can do. Two of my most memorable cases involved women TTC. Both had quite complex cases (PCOS & Fibroids) and had both being TTC for about 5 years. Within three months of taking the flower essence 'SHE OAK' both had fallen pregnant and now have very healthy children.



If you are struggling with fertility issues, if there is one remedy you should take it is SHE OAK, I am convinced it can work miracles!!
She Oak Essence is very beneficial in overcoming imbalances in and bringing about a sense of wellbeing in females. It will benefit women who feel distressed about infertility.


The beauty of these Flower Essences is that they are completely safe and can be taken when TTC or when pregnant.

I'm happy to answer any questions you may have just leave a comment or tweet me!
http://twitter.com/babymakingfiles


More info...

Flower Essences & IVF (Bach, Australian & Californian)
http://www.natural-health-for-fertility.com/bach-remedies.html

Link to info about SHE OAK....
http://www.ausflowers.com.au/shop/scditem.asp?prodid=46&catid=1

Interesting ezineartical about Bach Flowers & IVF...
http://ezinearticles.com/?Bach-Flower-Therapy-For-IVF-Support&id=4014143