Emotional melt down...

Well, so much for the positivity...the PMT & HRT has broken me.

So I thought I felt better this morning...
And for a few hours I did.
Saw a good friend for lunch and then took a friend for a birthday treat to Castle Howard for a cream tea.

Everything was ok until I started getting ready for the meal out to celebrate my friends birthday.

I have put on alot of weight after the last IVF cycle. My breasts have gone from a 38D to a DD, and more recently an E. They are MASSIVE. I have never had such large bosoms. I probably wouldn't mind as much if I had a partner to enjoy them. As it is they are heavy and uncomfortable.

I have about 2 outfits that fit, everything else is tight and makes me feel enormous.

Today I feel fat and bloated, and the size of a house. The PMT is bad enough but the HRT has now added to the problem. I am sure that after 5 days on the pills I have put more weight on already. They are not just messing with my mind making me an emotional psycho, they are also messing with my body and my self esteem.

My bedroom now resembles a bomb site, there are discarded clothes everywhere. I have pretty much tried (to squeeze into) every outfit that I own.
I am upset and have shed some tears, so now I can add puffy to the list of adjectives to describe myself.

The only outfit I felt vaguely comfortable in made me look pregnant already. I just can't risk going out and somebody asking me if I am with child.

Boo Hoo.

i am disgusted at my bloated beached whale appearance, frustated with myself, yet feeling terribly guilty at the same time.

There are women out there that have had genuinely bad news, BNF's, separations, deaths of family relations. Me...what is my excuse?...weeping & feeling desperate over putting on some weight & developing another couple of chins.

I feel so bad I have rung my friend & cried down the phone at her, telling her that I just couldn't face going out tonight, knowing that everyone else there will be looking gorgeous & glamourous. I knew I just wouldn't feel comfortable. Luckily she was pretty understanding, telling me that i always looked glamourous and that in no way did I look as fat as I felt.

What a sad state of affairs...

Get a grip woman.

So what do I feel like doing? Eating cake....and that's hardly gonna help my case.