Appt with the consultant...

So Monday was finally here...

Maybe I was gonna get some answers....why on earth did this happen to me?

The drive to the clinic was depressing, I kept thinking of what should be happening..
I should be on my way to do the embryo transfer not discuss where it had all gone horribly wrong...

My main concern...did i have dodgy eggs? Being a typical Gemini, I had two voices in my mind...I had one twin (the good twin) saying...Your fsh levels were good, your ovaries looked good, you responded well to treatment, it was suggested that you have a good ovarian reserve, this is just a blip...maybe it was the sperm...

But it was the bad twin that wouldn't shut up....your eggs are fucked, old, party animal eggs...as good as useless..there was nothing wrong with the sperm, he's got proven fertility....it's you.....time to think about donor eggs, adopting or fostering...

I'd checked out on the net for reasons for zero fertilisation, it could of been dodgy eggs, dodgy sperm, incompatibity or being just plain unlucky....was I about to find out which one it was??

Please don't tell me it's my eggs that are the problem....Please...

I sat nervously waiting to see the consultant. I watched as couples came in together. I was caught between feeling jealous that they had someone to share 'this' with and wondering what was wrong with them...was it him? Or her? Or unexplained? What struck me most was how young they all were.

There was a guy there sat eating crisps...loudly, all i could hear in the room was crunching, well I suppose it distracted me from my thoughts...

I was called in to see DR S... "How are you? We are very disappointed with the result"..

You're disappointed....er..tell me about it...I'M disappointed...

As for answers...well, I didn't really get any...

Hmmm, well apart from that it was unlikely to be the sperm as they had never had a problem with him before..

My eggs looked OK, but they could of been a little tough (a problem with older ladies eggs), meaning that the sperm couldn't get through to fertilise. There was a sperm binding issue...Millions of the little buggers and not one of them could get through...

It could also of been a compatability issue...maybe my eggs just didn't fancy the snowboarder sperm and sent out their little antibodies to schuuh the little blighters away...

Who bloody well knows?

So what's next?

The consultant has suggested ICSI and a different sperm donor..

This would resolve the tough egg issue & compatability issue...

We really won't know any more unless I suffer zero fert again, and then I think we can safely assume that I have old, dodgy, doddery, good for nothing eggs....

But for now...I'm thinking it was a BIG FAT BLIP....(you gotta think like that, or why bother doing it again...)

I have posted a question about zero fert on a Bulletien Board run by the clinic...It's a pretty good site for anyone who's interested as most subjects to do with infertility have been discussed by women going through similiar issues..

http://www.carefertility.com/ivf/viewtopic.php?t=46664

I wondered how many other women had suffered zero fertilisation and if any had gone on to achieve fertilisation or pregnancies....I was very encouraged by the responces.

It seems it's not just me, and it can be one of those things that 'just happen'...

PMA...PMA....PMA....PMA

So, I was told to expect a bleed and that it might be heavier and more painful than most....It was...

Now I am waiting for a 'natural period', then I must wait for another natural period and then I will be ready to go through the whole thing again...

Second time lucky eh...