'what if this round doesn't work'....I don't know how I could cope with another BFN & all the disppointment that goes with it. Money being what it is, this is probably my last chance. I am scared.
About 10 days ago I had a few tell tale signs that I was about to ovulate. I was quite pleased about this as I felt my hormones must be back to normal after all the IVF drugs...I had been worried that they might of mucked my system about and that my period might not appear as it should and that that would delay starting the next round of the IVF..
What I was less pleased about was the pre menstrual tension (well, pre-menstrual fury would be a more accurate description) that kicked in about a week ago. I have been silently growling at everything & everyone. Work has been difficult and I have been finding people most disagreeable!!
When I last saw my consultant he said that he wanted me to have 2 normal periods before we started the IVF again. This seemed an AGE away. Yesterday when my period arrived it seemed a whole lot closer...
So I am relieved that my period is here and proof that everything is working as it should, but I am hating the cramps and the heavy blood flow and am not enjoying the feeling of terror and fear about what's up ahead...
One half of me wants to get on with it, the other wants to wait and put of the potential disappointment...
PMA....WHERE ARE YOU???Why am I so focused on potential disppointment? Why can't I get my head around the idea that it could be potential JOY....I could finally get what I want...
It just seems so far out of reach....
i am feeling like a split Gemini, the good twin with her PMA has gone awfully quiet,while the bad twin who is full of fear & doubt is loud and taking over....
Will the good twin please come back?
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